Who says you can’t’ go home…

I spent twenty years tryin' to get out of this place

I was lookin' for somethin' I couldn't replace
I was runnin' away from the only thing I've ever known

And like a blind dog without a bone
I was a gypsy lost in the twilight zone
I hijacked a rainbow and crashed into a pot of gold

I've been there, done that, now I ain't lookin' back
And the seeds I've sown, savin' dimes
Spendin' too much time on the telephone
Who says you can't go home?

Who says you can't go home?
There's only one place that call me one of their own
Just a hometown boy, born a rollin' stone
Who says you can't go home?

Who says you can't go back?
Been all around the world and as a matter of fact
There's only one place left, I want to go
Who says you can't go home? It's alright
It's alright, it's alright, it's alright, it's alright

I went as far as I could, I tried to find a new face
There isn't one of these lines that I would erase
I left a million mile of memories on that road

Every step I take, I know that I'm not alone
You take the home from the boy but not the boy from his home
These are my streets, the only life I've ever known
Who says you can't go home?

Who says you can't go home?
There's only one place that call me one of their own
Just a hometown boy, born a rollin' stone
Who says you can't go home?

I've been there, done that, now I ain't lookin' back
It's been a long, long road, feels like I've never left
That's how the story goes

It doesn't matter where you are, doesn't matter where you go
If it's a million miles away or just a mile up the road
Take it in, take it with you when you go
Who says you can't go home?

I was just listening to Bon Jovi’s ‘Have a nice day’ album and heard, ‘Who says you can’t go home’.  It suddenly took on a new significance to me as I am getting ready to go back home to Sri Lanka and settle down with Lakshi there from November 2011.

Looking back at the past four years I consider my time in Cambridge and Geneva my wonder years, where I spent my free time trying to find myself, in acting, writing, connecting with nature, discussions with friends… I think I really grew as a person in these few years… I think it also helped me find out who I am, especially as the initial years I was here alone and was able to explore my thoughts and feelings on my own… Of course we’re always changing trying to become better people, and no matter how hard you try it’s impossible to really understand yourself completely, but I think the last few years helped a lot in becoming who I am now.

While my time away from ‘home’ both here in Geneva and in Cambridge have been amazing, I’m now really looking forward to going home. I’m looking forward to spending time with family and old friends. I’m looking forward to living in a nice home with a garden instead of the tiny apartment that we live in here. Now that the war is over, I’m looking forward to being part of rebuilding the country. I dream of a developed Sri Lanka, and I think it is within our grasp if only everyone worked trying to develop the country instead of only focussing on personal benefits.

When I originally came to Geneva and told people that I will only be here for a few years, get some experience, learn about the world, travel and then go back, they all told me that I would never leave Geneva as they believed that I wouldn't be able to give up the life style here, or the salary. But I believe that there’s so much more to life than riches such as family, friends, knowing that this is your ‘home’ and not having to worry about permits and visas; knowing you belong.  So that’s why this song really came to my mind, cos I am coming home soon…

With great power comes great responsibility…

Were the wise words of uncle Ben to ‘Spiderman’, and so it is with any kind of power, not only ‘Super powers’. I just started to think about the power of technology and social networking while reading about the recent  London riots which were organised and planned using blackberry messaging and through social networks like Twitter. These are the same technologies, the same networks that enabled the world to be updated and aware about the events during the Egypt and Libya uprisings when media could not reach the spots, the same technologies that helped survivors of the Mumbai blasts let each other know of whereabouts through constant tweets.

While in one part of the world the Web 2.0 and social networking were used to overcome political oppression or disasters, in another part it is now being used as a tool for rioters to plan more activities to destroy a city or to spread rumours and tarnish the reputation of an organisation set up to save lives (read this  for more on how the Associated press article which claimed corruption of Global Fund financing without proper factual base was circulated all over the world…Don’t get me started on this one). I was just thinking about how the many wonderful inventions which give us so much power to communicate to the whole world, to network, if not used with responsibility could also be the same technologies to bring about our own destruction. After all technology is simply a tool with no soul, no conscience, available to be used by anyone. While I do not endorse governments or any other body screening the use of internet or social networks, it also seems that the total free usage can also cause very serious problems, especially in the wrong hands.

These amazing innovations can help us to live much more productive lives, reach many more people… even the fact that I’m able to write this and with a click of a button anyone in the world can see it, is a miracle, but it’s the same button that can be used to spread lies… in the end the technology is not to be blamed, its simply the enabler. We can literally reach the world through our fingertips, so with that power it is each and every one of our responsibility to ensure that we use this power to improve the world we live in, not to destroy it. 

We can blame governments and society, circumstances, but then two people going through the same bad circumstances do not end up in the same way, one may choose to steal or destroy while the other might choose to fight crimes or work hard and help society... What is it that causes the difference? I wish I knew... Is it religion? believing in a higher purpose? love? Equality?

In conclusion… I have no conclusion and no solution just many questions... All I can do for now is to ensure that I use what ever power I have responsibly...Making the world a better place, one person at a time...

Stopping the spread of negativity...

Will this comment help our company?
Will this comment help our customers?
Will this comment help the person I’m talking to?
Will this comment help the person I’m talking about?
If the answer is no, no, no and no, don’t say it!
-Turning a Negative into a Positive by Marshall Goldsmith
I came across this article and I feel it is very relevant, especially during this time of change in many organisations. The first thing you notice in any organisation that is going through change is complaints and whining of the staff.

I can see first-hand how all the corridor conversations are poisoning the atmosphere as we’re also going through some re-organisations. The negative atmosphere spreads like a cancer effecting all the healthy cells or in this case the optimistic motivated people in the organisation. We have some amazing people who are intrinsically motivated and love what they do, especially as they know they are working for a greater good, but since of late the motivation seems to have drastically declined. While it is important that Senior Management communicate everything transparently and manage change in such a way that the effect on staff is minimised, I think we’re also responsible for our own attitude and actions. After all they are all human and trying their best too. Of course if you have constructive criticism it’s important to share it with the decision makers, and it’s the responsibility of the leaders to listen to the concerns of staff, but just whining and complaining only robs that person and others around of energy and has no positive impact.

Of course I know that this is much easier said than done, so I am also telling this to myself. I’m happy to say today I managed to avoid any such conversations which would end up with me feeling even more stressed and no positive result. How long will I be able to continue to not complain? That I do not know, ofcourse after reading the article above ‘Turning a Negative into a Positive', its heartening to know that even famous writers such as Marshaell Goldsmith are not immuned to destructive comments.

I wonder what the world would be like if we all stuck to these rules even when speak in general. In an earlier post I also blogged about only saying things if they are ‘Good, True or Useful’… There would be no gossip, or belittling, or deception! It’s hard to even imagine such a place, and even harder to imagine myself actually following this rule everyday. Sometimes it seems that the more interesting topics of talking are around negativity… Why is that? It’s much more easy finding faults than appreciating the good. Is it the way we’re conditioned? To keep looking at the glass half empty and not half full?

Sometimes its important to acknowledge when things are not right and especially when you feel bad and stressed. Sometimes its good to discuss the way you feel and get it out of the system and we all have the right to feel what we do, the difference is not to just spread the negativity or project negativity to others making them the 'bad guy'. If there is something really bothering you, its important to tell to the person but not to discuss it behind his back.

I am going to try my best not to be a vehicle for this negative ‘cancer’ to spread. I might actually become rather quiet if I do. I'm going to try to challenge myself to try to find other intersting topics, like travelling or hobbies :) and to become more creative and find other interesting subjects to discuss…

Avoiding Conflicts

Recently we had a communication skills training where our trainer described the many stages between when someone says or does something until the point when we react. First we hear or see the action of the other person, then we interpret it taking into account our own world view, we judge what that means to us, this judgement may cause an emotion and then we react. Usually all this happens within seconds. But what we must realise is that only the hearing or seeing of the action is objective, the rest is subjective according to our own values, culture, experiences and many other factors including our mood. So the interpretation and judgement are the first steps towards a long drawn misunderstanding. This is especially true working in a multicultural environment as cultural norms tend to differ widely. What one person may think as being straight forward another would view as rude! What one person sees as politeness is what another would consider ‘beating around the bush’.

When this process evokes a strong emotional response, we may react without thinking and start a conflict. One of the main messages of the training was to try to control that emotion and take time to process and understand the other person before reacting. It is important not to project our own thoughts and feelings, but to ask the other person what they meant and to listen with an open mind... A method of engaging in difficult conversations that was discussed was to initially only state the facts; such as “I saw…” or “I heard you say…” Then to say what you felt when you heard or saw it, as no one can say that you can’t feel that way, and you are not making the other person the bad guy. Then to finally ask the person what they think about it, giving them the benefit of the doubt and the space to explain.

I have heard about the importance of using ‘I’ statements in conflicts before, but usually in the heat of the moment I always forget them, especially when I get emotional and sometimes it's even felt physically! The suggestion by the trainer was simply to take a break at the point when you start feeling emotional, not to say anything at all. In the end it’s all about seeing things from the other person’s point of view and trying to understand them.