Stopping the spread of negativity...

Will this comment help our company?
Will this comment help our customers?
Will this comment help the person I’m talking to?
Will this comment help the person I’m talking about?
If the answer is no, no, no and no, don’t say it!
-Turning a Negative into a Positive by Marshall Goldsmith
I came across this article and I feel it is very relevant, especially during this time of change in many organisations. The first thing you notice in any organisation that is going through change is complaints and whining of the staff.

I can see first-hand how all the corridor conversations are poisoning the atmosphere as we’re also going through some re-organisations. The negative atmosphere spreads like a cancer effecting all the healthy cells or in this case the optimistic motivated people in the organisation. We have some amazing people who are intrinsically motivated and love what they do, especially as they know they are working for a greater good, but since of late the motivation seems to have drastically declined. While it is important that Senior Management communicate everything transparently and manage change in such a way that the effect on staff is minimised, I think we’re also responsible for our own attitude and actions. After all they are all human and trying their best too. Of course if you have constructive criticism it’s important to share it with the decision makers, and it’s the responsibility of the leaders to listen to the concerns of staff, but just whining and complaining only robs that person and others around of energy and has no positive impact.

Of course I know that this is much easier said than done, so I am also telling this to myself. I’m happy to say today I managed to avoid any such conversations which would end up with me feeling even more stressed and no positive result. How long will I be able to continue to not complain? That I do not know, ofcourse after reading the article above ‘Turning a Negative into a Positive', its heartening to know that even famous writers such as Marshaell Goldsmith are not immuned to destructive comments.

I wonder what the world would be like if we all stuck to these rules even when speak in general. In an earlier post I also blogged about only saying things if they are ‘Good, True or Useful’… There would be no gossip, or belittling, or deception! It’s hard to even imagine such a place, and even harder to imagine myself actually following this rule everyday. Sometimes it seems that the more interesting topics of talking are around negativity… Why is that? It’s much more easy finding faults than appreciating the good. Is it the way we’re conditioned? To keep looking at the glass half empty and not half full?

Sometimes its important to acknowledge when things are not right and especially when you feel bad and stressed. Sometimes its good to discuss the way you feel and get it out of the system and we all have the right to feel what we do, the difference is not to just spread the negativity or project negativity to others making them the 'bad guy'. If there is something really bothering you, its important to tell to the person but not to discuss it behind his back.

I am going to try my best not to be a vehicle for this negative ‘cancer’ to spread. I might actually become rather quiet if I do. I'm going to try to challenge myself to try to find other intersting topics, like travelling or hobbies :) and to become more creative and find other interesting subjects to discuss…

Avoiding Conflicts

Recently we had a communication skills training where our trainer described the many stages between when someone says or does something until the point when we react. First we hear or see the action of the other person, then we interpret it taking into account our own world view, we judge what that means to us, this judgement may cause an emotion and then we react. Usually all this happens within seconds. But what we must realise is that only the hearing or seeing of the action is objective, the rest is subjective according to our own values, culture, experiences and many other factors including our mood. So the interpretation and judgement are the first steps towards a long drawn misunderstanding. This is especially true working in a multicultural environment as cultural norms tend to differ widely. What one person may think as being straight forward another would view as rude! What one person sees as politeness is what another would consider ‘beating around the bush’.

When this process evokes a strong emotional response, we may react without thinking and start a conflict. One of the main messages of the training was to try to control that emotion and take time to process and understand the other person before reacting. It is important not to project our own thoughts and feelings, but to ask the other person what they meant and to listen with an open mind... A method of engaging in difficult conversations that was discussed was to initially only state the facts; such as “I saw…” or “I heard you say…” Then to say what you felt when you heard or saw it, as no one can say that you can’t feel that way, and you are not making the other person the bad guy. Then to finally ask the person what they think about it, giving them the benefit of the doubt and the space to explain.

I have heard about the importance of using ‘I’ statements in conflicts before, but usually in the heat of the moment I always forget them, especially when I get emotional and sometimes it's even felt physically! The suggestion by the trainer was simply to take a break at the point when you start feeling emotional, not to say anything at all. In the end it’s all about seeing things from the other person’s point of view and trying to understand them.

Addicted to Success

At first glance you would think it’s great to be addicted to success, but what I realised recently is that there's two sides to it... the other side of the coin is the fear of failure. Personally I have found that my greatest fear is the fear of failure. This can hamper all aspects of life, from work to personal achievements to even relationships, as we have to take calculated risks if we ever want to get anywhere.
I was doing a part time project at a research organisation while I was on my 4 month break. While working there the Prof I was working with asked me, were you ranked first in class throughout in your school? I was pleasantly surprised and thought, wow he must be really impressed with my work to ask such a question! and replied yes, that I often was. To this he replied ‘Yes I thought so. You seem to have a fear of giving wrong answers.’ This conversation started while we were discussing some background information regarding the project and he had asked me to make some estimates, to which I said that it depended on many factors and that I needed more information before I could estimate. Then he told me, If you want to do research, you will have to get over this fear, as research is based on many assumptions, and hypothesis, and you have to just guess and then see if it is correct.

Then I also realised this fear was also one of the reasons I had a fear of speaking up at meetings and presentations... my fear of asking stupid questions, or giving wrong answers... difficulty I have in speaking French and making mistakes or speaking with a wrong accent, which I posted about earlier http://smileysuniverse.blogspot.com/2008/12/french-snow.html#links... This fear of making mistakes, or the addition to success literally cripples, and keeps me from trying new things.

Here is a really thought provoking article on success through failure from the Harvard Business Review blog http://blogs.hbr.org/cs/2011/12/why_i_hire_people_who_fail.html?utm_source=twitterfeed&utm_medium=twitter

So my lesson of the day, you can’t always be right, or be sure of everything, sometimes you just have to take that leap of faith and just try...

I have not failed, I've just found ten thousand ways that won't work." – Thomas Edison

Support the Global Fund

I just saw this advocacy video for support for the Global Fund to fight AIDS, Tuberculosis and Malaria (where I work in Geneva). It was so moving I had to post it. These are the days when I am very glad about my decision to move into the Not-for-Profit sector. It is wonderful to know that the work you do in someway helps eliviate the sufferings of others and help save lives. I just had to share this video with everyone.

Ticking boxes…

Recently our organization introduced this new Key Performance Indicator on Gender (Target to increase the recruitment of females) and it got me thinking… I’ve noticed that now in organizations there are these diversity boxes which if you fit into you can get in easily such as Female, or minority and so on, and that started me wondering will it encourage equality or just end up with less qualified people being hired as they tick the right boxes, in both work as well as for educational programmes?

For me personally its good cos I do tick the right ‘female’ box, but I wouldn’t want to be hired because of that, I would want to be hired cos of my achievements, because I actually am good at what I do… in a way does this devalue our worth? Would people assume that we’re hired cos of the ‘diversity’ factor and resent us, which might have the opposite effect such as deserved promotions being blocked, simply cos they resent the 'female' who they think got special treatment... It’s a difficult thing to figure, I;m currently working in an International Organization, but I hope that is because I am good at what I do and not cos I tick the right box...I have to admit, that here i have not felt any kind of discremenation at all, and work has been rewarding.

Don't get me wrong...I am completely against discrimination against women or minorities or against anyone for that matter (which is often the case especially in engineering, where I was not even considered for a position as I was a female and got to know about it from an internal contact) but at the same time, it sometimes feels like it’s going the other way… I guess maybe you need to give incentives initially to start ‘the ball rolling’ as they say to start receiving enough female/ minority candidates and at the same time to get rid of that whole ‘members only’ mentality where only people who fit in the a certain profile can do the job, but then it should be that women and minorities are hired not because they are a KPI but because they are capable and qualified and will do the job well. And also because diversity adds value by bringing in a different perspective and skill set...

I guess the other factor which would encourage more women in the work force specially in senior positions, is flexible working hours, or working from home, or having child care at the work place, as very often otherwise most women who are senior professionals end up doing that at the cost of their family and what’s the point of even having all the money or recognition in the world if that means that the family life has to suffer…

I think it should be in the interst of all concerned that both men and women have a successful family life as well as a career life. I know, I've completely gone out of topic, but I feel strongly about this, even though i am single now, it;s something, I've often wondered about, looking at friends. Why should career have to come at the expense of family? Won't we all be better off, including the organisations, if the employees had a better work life balance, and were happy, and so gave their 100% to work, rather than worry about what was going on at home, as they spend so little time there.

One good practice I see here is that people take their vacations very seriously. They take a couple of weeks off to spend with family on holidays, sometimes just take the time off to spend at home doing stuff together. Before I came here in all my jobs I had just accumulated my leave, never really taken it, cos it was not the practice, now ofcourse I take it all and go home to sunny Sri Lanka during winter. Plan to get used to this practice of taking time off, now and then. After all the organisation is not going to collapse cos you were not there!