Thursday, April 30, 2009

Self Mirror

This is a post which actually is a mix of a couple of older posts and some new ideas, and I wrote this for a journal, and just thought of posting it on my blog as well.

Something I've come to realize across the years (the few I've been on this planet) is that how others respond to you is a reflection of your own self image. This is a concept I like to call the 'Self Mirror'.

The more faith you have in yourself, others can see that confidence, and their belief in you and your capabilities increases. This in turn improves your own self esteem and has a cyclic effect helping to improve your capabilities. Of course the 'Self Mirror' works in the negative way as well. People can usually see through the mask, when you pretend to be someone else. Often when people see that you have an inferiority complex they treat you as inferior too.

When I say having confidence and faith in your self I don't mean acting Superior. I think acting Superior is simply another way that people handle their inferiority complexes. It's that deep-seated feeling of inferiority which makes people want to 'bring others down to their level'. In order to hide their own lack of self esteem they pick on someone they see is already feeling inferior, and augment those feelings of insecurity. By making someone else feel smaller, they try to boost their own self image. Which is why snobs are only snobs around people whom they see have an inferiority complex. In a way it is only with your own consent that a snob can be that way. This is something I realized as someone who had a strong inferiority complex growing up.

Looking back, I can see how others treated me has changed across the years from the time I was a painfully shy teenager to today where I can honestly say I'm happy with myself. I remember being 'invisible' growing up, and it was only after I started to accept myself that others started to have confidence in me as well. So now when people say I'm different, I say I'm Unique. People say this often cos I don't fall in to any of the typical stereotyped categories. My background is in Engineering but now I’m working in a Not-for-Profit Organization fighting agaist AIDS, TB and Malaria. I also love working with people and find human psychology very intriguing. At the same time I'm someone who loves performance theatre, and singing and dancing as well as adventurous experiences. When I'm with the 'techys' I'm a total extrovert where as compared to my out going drama friends, I'm the total introvert. As someone who experienced the whole spectrum from total introvert to extrovert (though the old feelings do come now and then) I know that once you believe in yourself, you can achieve anything.

I also remembered a beautiful saying by Nelson Mandela (originally from Marianne Williamson A Return to Love) and thought of finishing this post with these beautiful lines

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

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Saturday, April 18, 2009

It's Spring... What a wonderful world...

Spring finally is here, and it's so beautiful, the trees are starting to have light green leaves and there are other trees with only flowers no leaves. The transformation of nature is amazing just a few months ago the parks covered in a sheet of white snow, and trees without leaves, has completely converted to become bright green, I can hardly believe that it is the same place... I think I feel the differences even more as I a tropical girl, who;s used to 365 days of summer, and though I do find the cold winters difficult, there is something lovely about the different seasons, the whole cycle of new life in Spring, then Summer, the leaves colouring and falling in Autumn and death of trees in Winter, which leads us back to Spring.
Last evening since the weather was great, i decided to walk home after work, coming home around 7.30pm and there was still day light and little birdies singing! I was walking home listening to my mp3s and even doing a little turn here and there while singing and walking (I'm sure anyone watching me might have thought i;m strange, but I didn;t mind)
I;m learning to appreciate the little things in life, the trees and flowers and even little bugs on the ground… sometimes I feel I;m going back in time and feel like a kid again. Matured as a person but child at heart and I was thinking to my self 'What a wonderful World'.
I see trees of green........ red roses too
I see em bloom..... for me and for you
And I think to myself.... what a wonderful world.

I see skies of blue..... clouds of white
Bright blessed days....dark sacred nights
And I think to myself .....what a wonderful world.

The colors of a rainbow.....so pretty ..in the sky
Are also on the faces.....of people ..going by
I see friends shaking hands.....sayin.. how do you do
Theyre really sayin......i love you.




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Ticking boxes…

Recently our organization introduced this new Key Performance Indicator on Gender (Target to increase the recruitment of females) and it got me thinking… I’ve noticed that now in organizations there are these diversity boxes which if you fit into you can get in easily such as Female, or minority and so on, and that started me wondering will it encourage equality or just end up with less qualified people being hired as they tick the right boxes, in both work as well as for educational programmes?

For me personally its good cos I do tick the right ‘female’ box, but I wouldn’t want to be hired because of that, I would want to be hired cos of my achievements, because I actually am good at what I do… in a way does this devalue our worth? Would people assume that we’re hired cos of the ‘diversity’ factor and resent us, which might have the opposite effect such as deserved promotions being blocked, simply cos they resent the 'female' who they think got special treatment... It’s a difficult thing to figure, I;m currently working in an International Organization, but I hope that is because I am good at what I do and not cos I tick the right box...I have to admit, that here i have not felt any kind of discremenation at all, and work has been rewarding.

Don't get me wrong...I am completely against discrimination against women or minorities or against anyone for that matter (which is often the case especially in engineering, where I was not even considered for a position as I was a female and got to know about it from an internal contact) but at the same time, it sometimes feels like it’s going the other way… I guess maybe you need to give incentives initially to start ‘the ball rolling’ as they say to start receiving enough female/ minority candidates and at the same time to get rid of that whole ‘members only’ mentality where only people who fit in the a certain profile can do the job, but then it should be that women and minorities are hired not because they are a KPI but because they are capable and qualified and will do the job well. And also because diversity adds value by bringing in a different perspective and skill set...

I guess the other factor which would encourage more women in the work force specially in senior positions, is flexible working hours, or working from home, or having child care at the work place, as very often otherwise most women who are senior professionals end up doing that at the cost of their family and what’s the point of even having all the money or recognition in the world if that means that the family life has to suffer…

I think it should be in the interst of all concerned that both men and women have a successful family life as well as a career life. I know, I've completely gone out of topic, but I feel strongly about this, even though i am single now, it;s something, I've often wondered about, looking at friends. Why should career have to come at the expense of family? Won't we all be better off, including the organisations, if the employees had a better work life balance, and were happy, and so gave their 100% to work, rather than worry about what was going on at home, as they spend so little time there.

One good practice I see here is that people take their vacations very seriously. They take a couple of weeks off to spend with family on holidays, sometimes just take the time off to spend at home doing stuff together. Before I came here in all my jobs I had just accumulated my leave, never really taken it, cos it was not the practice, now ofcourse I take it all and go home to sunny Sri Lanka during winter. Plan to get used to this practice of taking time off, now and then. After all the organisation is not going to collapse cos you were not there!

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Thursday, April 16, 2009

Easter at Lourdes







Thought of blogging again after a long period of silence, just don’t; seem to be in the mood to write much, maybe cos I’m just too happy these days(I’ve heard that you need some misery or sadness to be inspired!)…the reason, I think I’ll keep to my self for now

I thought of just writing about my lovely stay in Lourdes (it’s at the foot hills of the Pyrenees) France over Easter weekend, I guess it was more of a pilgrimage than tourism…

If you are not familiar with Lourdes and it’s significance, it is considered miraculous by many Catholics and is supposed to be one of the most highly visited pilgrim sights in the world. The Blessed Virgin Mary appeared to a 14 year old girl (poor and illiterate), St Bernadette. She had seen many such appearances and at one instance a spring appeared, which later became famous for the miraculous powers of the water. There have been many instances where people with incurable diseases, have drunk or washed themselves in this water and have been cured with no medical explanation. You can find out more about it here http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Our_Lady_of_Lourdes.

I visited Lourdes with my parents who are staying with me for 2 months, my cousin, and aunty (who also stayed for a week, so for one week my single bed room apartment was turned to one big slumber party with ppl sleeping all over the place, in sleeping bags and sofas!).

I had visited Lourdes with my parents when I was 2 years old, but I don’t remember it at all…It was a dream of my moms to go there again, and so I thought this was the perfect opportunity since I stay so close to France and it is possible to go the Lourdes in the over night train.

We also went to take a bath in the Lourdes water well and the ladies and gents go in separately, basically you have to remove your clothes and wear a cloth and get into the water. It was freeeeeeeezing! Luckily they said to say the prayers and make the petitions before getting into the water, cos as soon as I got in I was so frozen my brain stopped working! We also collected a lot of water to give to friends and family who had asked for it.





I also lit candles to pray for many people who had asked for prayers. I don’t know why but there is something about candles, and the light that has always attracted me. The light it spreads and how the tiny candle can dispel darkness...

Since we were there during holy week we went on a rather spiritual way of the cross, what I liked about it was that it was related to our everyday lives rather than repeating a set of prayers.

Lourdes is also a very pretty calm town, as you can see from the pics, and I just wish we had more time there but then I;m saving my leave for a long Christmas vacation home. It was a very slow life style and it was nice to get away from work for a while. One of the things I loved about Lourdes was that though it is a famous pilgrim site, it still had not lost it’s spiritual feel no vendors near the church and where the water is, and they don’t charge for people to go into the church unlike in some churches like St Pauls Cathedral London, where they charge for entrance, and I was once told to leave simply cos I was not going to stay for mass and it was a Sunday and they did not allow tourists! I told them that I was just there to pray which they accepted, but I couldn’t believe that a church should charge an entrance fee while the museums in uk were free!

We also went Nevers to see the body of St Bernadette which is still preserved with no decay, it was amazing, and I believe that many tests have been done, and no one can find an explanation for it, except that it’s a miracle. This is a picture of how the body is, it looks so peaceful and young. (This was not taken by me as it is forbidden to take pictures, I just found this online)

In Nevers which was a the convent St Bernadette later went to, what struck me most was that she was such a humble person, and her contribution to the world was simple service, which was why she joined the sisters of charity… I thought I’ll end this post with one of her quotes which I especially found beautiful. It’s amazing how God chooses the humblest among us to be his instruments, I guess it’s sometimes good to visit places such as these and realize what should be important in our world, not wealth and material things as media would have us believe, but love and serving others…

From here on earth, Love cannot live without suffering. It is through loving the cross that we discover His Heart, for divine Love never lives without suffering. I want my whole life to be inspired by love. He who loves, does all things easily, or, if he suffers, he suffers bravely. Why is suffering necessary? Because on earth, pure love cannot exist without suffering. O Jesus, Jesus, I no longer feel my cross when I think of yours!"
- Saint Bernadette Soubirous










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