Seeing the glass half full...

Since the day I arrived in Sri Lanka the most common question I have had to answer is ‘Is it difficult adjusting back to Sri Lanka after staying for four years in Switzerland?’ or ‘You must be missing Switzerland a lot'. My reply is always, it's your attitude towards the location rather than the specific place. Of course if you are in a place where you don't have the basic necessities like food, or water, then its a different fact all together, but as long as you have the basic necessities and try to make the most of life, it does not matter where you're located.

Everywhere you go there will be wonderful things and problems it’s upto us to focus on the good and ignore, or try to change the negatives whenever it is in our power. It was the same even when I left Cambridge, though I thought I would miss it, after I came back to Sri Lanka I loved being back home. Again it was the same when I went to Switzerland; I really enjoyed the experience as you would already have seen from my earlier posts even though many people called it a boring sleepy town. I loved the mountains in the distance, the amazingly efficient transport system, and meeting all those wonderful people from all over the world, not forgetting the chocolates of course. Now the same people ask me how can I leave such a wonderful developed country and come back home? Its the usual 'grass is greener on the other side' syndrome... 

I tell them, that in Sri Lanka I love spending time with friends and family, I like the fact that I don't have to wear layers every time I want to go out, understanding what people say and being able to get things done and seeing the beautiful beaches everyday, and I like to think that I can be part of the development of this lovely Island that has been ravaged by war for over 30 years! Sure I can think of thousands of annoyances here too, but not dwelling too much on them is the secret to stay happy.

I think its similar with people too, no one is perfect, but then no one is all bad either, most of the time there's good and bad in all people, so in order to enrich your relationships it is important to focus on the good, and if it would help, try to give feedback in a constructive manner, to help the person improve. 

This post also ties back to my earlier post on Stopping the spread of negativity. It's important to realise that there are problems, and try to improve them if possible, and if not ignore them and focus on the positive sideof life. So I'll end this post with my favourite 'Serenity Prayer'.

God grant me the serenity 
to accept the things I cannot change; 
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.

--Reinhold Niebuhr

My Happiness Project

Recently I started reading 'The Happiness Project' by Gretchen Rubin. It’s an interesting book about her year of trying to improve 12 aspects of her life one for each month, and in the process trying to become a happier person. Some of the areas she focuses on include energy, marriage, kids, work, relationships with friends and her spiritual side. 

You might wonder why someone like me, who seems to be having a great life, read books on Happiness (you may also remember a previous post on Happiness which I wrote). I believe that we're all learning creatures, constantly trying to improve ourselves and our circumstances, and in the process find happiness. For me happiness is a state of mind, where you are content and satisfied with all around you. Of course it's easier for me who has nothing much to complain about compared to someone who has a serious illness such as cancer or lost a family member or is does not know from where his next meal will come... but still I often find myself being grumpy or finding faults with the world around me. 

As a child I was very shy and reserved and did not smile much with people, once long ago I remember an old lady at some party saying that she thought I had a nice smile but looked unfriendly as I rarely smiled... Afterwards I thought about it and tried to be friendlier and smile... That was the beginning of my turning into 'smiley', the pseudonym I gave myself when I first started this blog. In the description of the blog I say that ‘I try to see the bright side of life’, but somewhere along the way I got overshadowed by the clouds and forgot to see the silver lining.

Reading this book reminded me to go back to the old chirpy me... To cut people more slack, not to think the worst of people's intentions. To do things without complaining or grumbling, after all the complaints and negativity not only affect oneself, but it also affects those around you. Unfortunately it’s often the nearest and the dearest who have to suffer through your complaints and whining. Not only is it better for the people around you when you are happy, but it also helps you to feel better. Many times smiling in spite of feeling bad, has made me feel better. So why do we complain so much? Because you tend to get more attention when you complain. No one gets attention for being the ‘happy person’; people don’t care too much about the feelings of the ‘happy person’, not like the ‘grumpy person’ whom everyone is much more sensitive to as you don't want to set that person off! I guess that's why most of us in spite of knowing that having a positive attitude is beneficial to all, still continue being our negative selves. I have been trying to reduce negativity and wrote about it on my previous post 'Stopping the spread of negativity'. 

I think lately my blog has turned into my happiness project, though unintentionally... when i write down things I want to improve in my life it is in black and white, and I've written it for the world to see (even if it's only a few close friends who generally read it!). So I feel that I need to commit more to it, and when I look at the blog, the titles remind me of my resolutions. After all if I want any changes in the world, that change has to start with me… I'm going to try to make my 'happy' resolution work especially in the next few months against the stresses of getting ready and leaving Switzerland, all the admin stuff as well as packing and cleaning and sorting out... 

Another New Year is here...

Already the New Year has begun and usually with the end of the year I make so many New Year Resolutions, which are forgotten as we get to the middle of the year… already I’ve forgotten what my last year’s New Year resolution was… So this year I’m going to keep it simple… My New Year resolution: try to be the Best person; Best wife; Best daughter; Best friend and Best employee that I can be… And like the song says ‘Don’t worry, be happy’ though ofcourse it’s easier said than done… After all, there’s no point in worrying after I’ve given my best try even if there is a problem, then I just have to hand it all into to God’s hands and know that he will take care of me, as he has done all these years!

I’ll wind up with post wishing you all a Very Happy New Year with no Worries!

Addicted to Success

At first glance you would think it’s great to be addicted to success, but what I realised recently is that there's two sides to it... the other side of the coin is the fear of failure. Personally I have found that my greatest fear is the fear of failure. This can hamper all aspects of life, from work to personal achievements to even relationships, as we have to take calculated risks if we ever want to get anywhere.
I was doing a part time project at a research organisation while I was on my 4 month break. While working there the Prof I was working with asked me, were you ranked first in class throughout in your school? I was pleasantly surprised and thought, wow he must be really impressed with my work to ask such a question! and replied yes, that I often was. To this he replied ‘Yes I thought so. You seem to have a fear of giving wrong answers.’ This conversation started while we were discussing some background information regarding the project and he had asked me to make some estimates, to which I said that it depended on many factors and that I needed more information before I could estimate. Then he told me, If you want to do research, you will have to get over this fear, as research is based on many assumptions, and hypothesis, and you have to just guess and then see if it is correct.

Then I also realised this fear was also one of the reasons I had a fear of speaking up at meetings and presentations... my fear of asking stupid questions, or giving wrong answers... difficulty I have in speaking French and making mistakes or speaking with a wrong accent, which I posted about earlier http://smileysuniverse.blogspot.com/2008/12/french-snow.html#links... This fear of making mistakes, or the addition to success literally cripples, and keeps me from trying new things.

Here is a really thought provoking article on success through failure from the Harvard Business Review blog http://blogs.hbr.org/cs/2011/12/why_i_hire_people_who_fail.html?utm_source=twitterfeed&utm_medium=twitter

So my lesson of the day, you can’t always be right, or be sure of everything, sometimes you just have to take that leap of faith and just try...

I have not failed, I've just found ten thousand ways that won't work." – Thomas Edison

Is altruism real?

This is a question that I was thinking about and I realised that it is an espectially suitable question now, at the beginning of the lental period. Last Wednesday (Ash Wednesday the beginning of the Lental Period) I went for the evening mass after work, and the preist was discussing the three pillars of Lent, Prayer, Fasting, and acts of goodwill. So I told my self I shall try to actually follow these principles, starting during lent, and maybe would have created a habit by the end of the 40 days and continue...

Then I was just thinking about my own motivations behind these actions of goodwill and realised that it does have a selfish root, it makes me feel good about myself. I think it is also because when I see poor people (specially when I was in Sri Lanka) I would feel guilty for having so much and them so little, so then when I try to be charitable with my time or money, It reduces my distress in witnessing their pain. I enjoy working in the Not-for-Profit sector as it gives me self satisfaction, and I feel like I'm working towards a greater good than my self... Doesn't that sound like a contradtion there?

So I started to read up on this dillema of whether there is such a thing as altruism, and came across this story.

"Abraham Lincoln illustrated the philosophical issue in a conversation with another passenger in a horse-drawn coach. After Lincoln argued that selfishness prompts all good deeds, he noticed a sow making a terrible noise. Her piglets had gotten into a pond and were in danger of drowning. Lincoln called the coach to a halt, jumped out, ran back, and lifted the little pigs to safety. Upon his return, his companion remarked, "Now, Abe, where does selfishness come in on this little episode?" "Why, bless your soul, Ed, that was the very essence of selfishness. I should have no peace of mind all day had I gone and left that suffering old sow worrying over those pigs.”
"Social Psychology" by David Myers, p477

Another interesting quote by Vexen Crabtree on 'Love' considered to be the most giving, unselfish emotion of all

"Love is perhaps the strongest emotion we possess. But love is ultimately selfish; the satisfaction and feel-good that it brings is an ultimate reward. Our instincts and needs underlie any altruistic behaviour, especially when it comes to love. That is part of the beauty of love... that you know your loved one loves you because it makes them feel good. You know that they know your love is selfish, and they are happy that you love them because it makes you feel good. Without this hidden, deeper selfishness, Human love would have less depth. Love is best and most beautiful when it comes from the depths of one person and extends to another, and both know that the other loves them for selfish reasons. We love someone because they make us feel good and they love us because we make them feel good. This combination is a supreme gift to our ego and helps explain why love is easily the most potent emotion."

Being a devout Catholic, these then made me think about religion, what does it mean if all good actually has a selfish root? I believe that God just made us that way so that people would naturally be good, for their own happiness, and for their own survival (though there seems to be bugs in the programming of some people like serial killers!)... After all this thinking and reserach, I still am not much closer to figuring out whether we're all good or all bad, but I will try to continue to be helpful and giving, especially during this lenten period and feel good :)

Logic of Love

I always thought of myself as a person who was ruled by logic, and not by whims and fancies or by moods or emotions... until recently that is, till I found myself in a wonderful relationship... For the last few years I have been alone, no man in my life, and I even convinced myself that it was better that way, no heart breaks, I do things my way and life is so much simpler, even if somewhat lonely...

Then I fell in love, and all logic was thrown out the window and total confusion began! I suddenly found my self to be much less logical, and irrational, crazy and moody and missing him even more after talking to him for half a day (this is a long distance relationship for now, which I think adds to the drama :)) and little jealousies over small things, and overly sensitive to every word he says and smile at the sound of his name, and all the soppy songs made me think of him, and I want to share every tiny detail of my life with him!

I found myself thinking about all these changes in me and so when I came across this metaphor by a psychologist on emotions and logic, it really hit me. He relates logic to a person riding an elephant and that the elephant is our emotions. Initially the person decides on the direction, but unless the elephant and person's ideas are aligned the elephant will win each time as he has a 6 ton advantage! I thought that was a nice way of thinking of our own logical and emotional sides. if elephants are emotions, then love is the largest elephant of all!

Love is the biggest mystery... Why is the hurt and pain so unbearable and the happiness ecstatic, when it is related to the one you love? how is it that two people fall in love and decide that they want to spend the rest of their lives together, and how is it that all the wonderful feelings you get with racing heart beats thinking of the one you love is reciprocated from that person... How do you find that one person in this world of billions of people? That person that makes your heart sing, who;s name makes you smile, and who makes you feel alive?

Some believe that love is due to an irresistible cocktail of chemicals in order to ensure the survival of human kind. That we're merely happy victims of nature’s lovely plan... But I do not believe that is the case, since if love was only to ensure that human kind continued then what's the point of lasting love, after the children are grown and the survival of humans is ensured? Why do we stay with the same partner? What about the love of parents towards their children and the love of children toward their parents. In that case, we would love each other, just long enough so that the children are independent and then go on our separate ways...but we don;t humans create lasting bonds, and still even today when divorce is becoming more and more common, there still are many who live their whole lives together in love... So I believe that love is Mystery... Love is Gods gift to us so that we may experience him through loving each other...

Making it up as we go along

As you might be able to see already I'm one of those self improvement geeks, who used to buy loads of books. I read all the famous ones frm 'Emotional Intelligence' to '7 habits of effective people', to 'Men are form mars and women are frm venus' to 'Why men lie and women cry' to 'Blink' and the list is endless...

But now I think life the best teacher, and observing and learning from others teaches you much more that what you can read... most things have to be lived and experienced not just read about, It's like trying to learn to ride a bike or swim by reading a book, ofcourse books can help in getting you ready, but in the end you have to jump in and 'live life'.

Though I still consider myself a book worm I'm more careful when reading these ‘advice’ and ‘how to improve your life’ kind of books, yes they can be good in giving you ideas and for certain things, will give you expert advice which can be useful, but each person is different, and what makes each of us happy and successful is also different. I don’t think that there is a perfect formula that will work for everyone... We just have to make up as we go along...

Learning to let go

Just a couple of days ago I attended a presentation skills workshop, where one of the things we were talking about was 'Learn to let go...' In this context the instructor was talking about how we have the tendency of trying to put everything we know into a presentation, and how we should learn to let go, and only include the most important information for maximum impact.

This got me thinking about other aspects of life as well, I think most of us have this tendency to hang on to things, whether it's while doing a presentation, or writing, or keeping old unused appliances in the house (this I noticed last year when we moved home looking at all the useless things that we had accumulated over the years) or things we do in our everyday lives... I think we do this out of fear that what we 'let go' of, might later prove to be critical or due to fear of change...the infomation that we didn't give might be the deal breaker; the old appliance that we threw away may become useful later on; or the daily practice that we didn't do might affect our lives.

I think this is one of the reasons we seem to be in this state of 'constant busyness'. We have all these new technological advances, and household appliances to save time, but somehow we still seem to be as busy as ever. At work we have the latest computers and softwares to make life easier and even when organisations grow, work never seems to become easier or less... maybe due to our habit of always doing everything and not deligating, not prioratising and due to the culture of 'if you work over time you must be working hard and if you leave on time, you're not doing a proper job (even though the person who stays till late might well be doing personal things!)... I think it's also due to this misconception that being busy makes you important, but chatting with friends, or reading, or taking longs walks are a waste of time... What we never seem to ask ourselves is 'what are we so busy with?' It's the famous Parkinsons Rule at play 'Work expands to fill the time available for its completion' So we can either be constantly busy or decide that we complete the work the best we can and get on with other things in life...

I think coming from a rather conformist society where everything usually is done a certain way and not sticking to that would deem that there's something wrong with you, I too had this 'rat race' always busy mentality... but then I've met many people who have successful careers, families and still manage to find time to read or write or travel and see the world.

Ofcourse I'm not saying that everyone who's busy is because they are creating work, we all go through times when we can be overwhelmed with work or life, but oftentimes we also create our own busyness...

Now little by little I'm analysing what I do, and try to reason, why it's important, and learning to let go of things that are not necessary, and finding myself with so much more time to read and go on long walks, and literally stop to smell the roses.

Speak Up!

According to many studies, the one thing that is feared more than death is ‘Public Speaking’! I can say that it was true for me for a very long time, and is something I have been working on getting over for many years now... when I say public speaking I don’t fear prepared presentations or even acting, as long as it has been prepared and practiced… What freaks me out, is having to talk impromptu. Doesn't have to be at a large gathering, but even asking questions or giving my opinion in front of a group of strangers can be scarry... Scared that people will think that my question is stupid, scared that what I say was too obvious, scared of being laughed at…

While in SL both in school and uni, I didn’t feel this fear much, as people in general don’t ask questions or comment in lectures much. But it struck me hard in Cambridge, when everyone else was speaking over the others and I was too scared to say a word. You may remember one of my earlier posts ‘finding my voice’ one of the first steps towards getting over this fear.

I'm happy to say that I have come a long way since then...still speaking up in public is not second nature to me, but by forcing myself to speak at meetings, to speak up at gatherings when I have an opinion and by volunteering at improv, it has become easier.

Another thing I've noticed when I observe people at meetings and presentations is that often even the leaders the outspoken people still seem to have a fear of public speaking. Recently I was sitting very close to some of the main speakers at a meeting and I noticed, slight hand tremors (barely visible) when one of them was speaking, and I've observed similar instances with other speakers too…so maybe many self confidant people too have some apprehension and nervousness when speaking in public, not just me…so I've learnt the key is to speak in spite of the fear, not to let the fear paralyze you.

After all, if you were invited to a meeting or gathering, that was because your point counts, so you should not deprive others of that valuable input!

Return to Childhood

"What do you want to be when you grow up?" is a question I’ve heard many, many times as a kid. For as long as I can remember, I’ve been always planning for the future… Always thinking about moving to the next stage of life…from school to work and so on…

The search for a profession was mainly driven by practicality and society, not by dreams or what I would like to be, but more about, what type of job would be practical, what would help me earn enough money, give me recognition? Of course it’s essential that we’re practical after all, where would our dreams be if we were hungry or lacking basic necessities for life? At the same time it’s sad when we sacrifice all our dreams for practicality or simply to confirm with society, as work is where we spend more than half of our lives, so why do many people work in areas which they despise just for that money or security or ‘because that is what is expected of me’? Tell any child that you don’t like your job, and the child would give the most logical answer, “then change it!”.

From the time I could understand everyone around me have been saying you should be a doctor, or engineer like your father, or lawyer… there are a few professions that are respected and all children are expected to be one of them, whether the child is talented in this area or something completely different such as writing or painting. Many fields are ignored, including the Not-for-profit sector. Until I did my project at the Global Fund as part of my MBA, social services were simply something I like to do in my free time, not my career. After spending years in fields which I did not enjoy and where I didn’t feel that I was making the most of my potential, I think I’ve finally found an area that I like working in… Will I be in this field forever? I don’t really know, but I do know that I enjoy working in Not-for-profits and working for something greater than myself…

It’s funny now that I have ‘grown up’, I’m trying to explore my creativity and set my imagination free (much more difficult now, after stifling it for almost 30 years). I came across an intersting talk at TED conference which talks about how all children are born with creativity which is killed in a school system geared towards maths, sciences, languages and not geared for kids whose talents lie in arts, and thought of adding it here though its slightly out of topic http://www.ted.com/talks/lang/eng/ken_robinson_says_schools_kill_creativity.html. I do feel that any creativity I might have had as a child disappeared in my adult years, and now I'm trying to learn it all over again.

Lately I've also learnt to appreciate nature, the mountains, the stars, and all the beauty around with wonder (everything I’ve ignored for so long, too caught up in the everyday hustle and bustle of life); to live in the present moment, having total trust in the higher power; to be more honest and genuine; to say what I mean, and mean what I say… just like a child... When I ‘grow up’ I want to return to my childhood…

I'll end this post with a lovely quote from CS Lewis "When I was ten, I read fairy tales in secret and would have been ashamed if I had been found doing so. Now that I am fifty, I read them openly. When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up." 

Arts or Sciences?

Being someone, who’s an engineer background, but realizing that I like the arts more and more, from singing, to acting to writing (not sure if I’m much good at these things, but I love them all the same :) ) I have sometimes wondered about it… specially about whether it was a right choice to give up engineering (I do use the analytical skills we learnt in engineering, but nothing technical), or whether I should have studies the Classics or Theatre… Sometimes, I feel a bit of a misfit not in either side…

But then I think, they are both essential for human existence.

Music, paintings, writing, acting are all very subjective disciplines, they sometimes give you a glimpse into the soul of the author…and can be perceived as either good or bad. I guess what brings joy to the creator of arts is knowing that what they have created can bring joy, or enlightenment or be thought provoking or ofcourse they could also influence violence, specially art forms such as Cinema…at the same time, they could easily go unnoticed…I think the biggest fear of any kind of creator of the art forms…
Sciences, can be more predictable the laws of physics are laws, but again the discoveries are nothing, if they cannot be utilized to improve human existence (or sometimes to destroy). Looking at all inventions and discoveries, where would we be without them? From computers, to television, to internet, to electricity. I guess it’s a mix of creativity and knowledge of the sciences.

In the older times, inventors were also artists or musicians, like Da Vinci, whose one of the most famous artists of all time, and at the same time, was an inventor and mathematician...so why don’t we have people like that anymore, most people are very much more focused into one area... is it the school systems that kill creativity? I was thinking of the same thing when reading the ‘little Price’ where he talks about how he liked to draw but since the ‘adults did not understand his unusual drawings, he just stopped completely, often when kids try new things, or different things, like colouring a tree red, you’d always have someone saying, but that is not in real life… so what? Look at most people who do become famous, they are those who go against the grain, for what they believe in. Ofcourse when I say go against the grain, you also have to think of morality, and that you are not harming yourself or others by doing so…

I will end this post with a lovely quote by Buckminster Fuller

"All children are born geniuses;9,999 out of every 10,000 are swiftly,inadvertently, degeniusized by grownups.”

Happy Birthday to me (a belated one!)

Yesterday was my Birthday and it’s funny, I really don’t feel my age at all, most of my friends have ‘settled down’ and some even have kids, I sometimes still feel like one! I’ve even skipped on the road a couple of times like a little kid (I’m sure passer-bys would have thought I was crazy), but I really didn’t care!

I actually think that I am getting younger! If not by age and looks at least by heart! I feel much younger than a few years ago… I remember after uni when I was working I used to carry the weight of the world on my shoulders and was part of the ‘rat race’, and used to get stressed regularly… since then I think I have learnt not to take things too seriously, now I try to do my best with things I can change, but at the same time I try to accept what I can’t. For example, I used to get stressed if the train gets late or something, now I just start listening to my mp3s and call my appointment to say I’m getting late, cos the train is not going to come any sooner, just cos I got stressed…it’s a lot of little things like that, but it makes a difference when u learn to let go. And I also think that I don’t worry as much as I used to about what others think, I try to do what is right, and not worry too much whether it was the ‘in’ thing to do.

I still do sometimes get a bit stressed over work and things, but have improved a lot… So my prayer for my new year on this planet is…

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things i cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference"

A friend asked me ‘so what have u done in the past 29 years?’ and then I started thinking about it… I guess I would like to think that I have made a positive difference in the lives of a people who I have come into contact with, and hopefully my work; especially in the not for profit sector has had some impact in someone’s life even in an indirect way…I’ve also learnt so many things about life and people…but as we all know, the more we learn, the more we realize how much more there is and how ignorant we are! It’s a life long occupation…

I must also say that I have truly been blessed in the past 29 years, I’ve got more that I ever dreamed of… and I know that my life could be someone else’s dream… I wonder what have I done to deserve all this? I guess the best way of thanking for it, is simply by trying to give back to others in any way I can…

Connection

I'm just back from the 'Connection' Festival. It was a day of getting together with people of different Christian denominations in the Geneva/Nyon area, and celebrating what we have in common as well as the diverse ways we have of expressing our common beliefs.

It was nice to spend some time getting in touch with my Spiritual side...This was one of the areas of my life that I have been neglecting for sometime... I have been trying to work on developing my Physical and especially my Intellectual side trying to learn as much as I can from the people I meet and the new experiences I come across, but have not really thought much about the Spirit...

Most of the day was discussing about Hope, Faith and Love, and just thought of writing down some thoughts that came to my head...

One of the first things that I thought of, was a verse from the book that I just finished reading; 'The fifth mountain' by Paulo Coelho

"Souls too like plants need a different kind of rain: faith, hope, a reason to live. When this did not pass, everything in the soul died even if the body went on living, and the people could say, ‘here in this body there was once a man’."

When I read this I thought how true... What is life without Faith, Hope and of course Love? In my life I have see these people who's souls have died, even though they are physically alive, some due to poverty, distress and suffering who have lost all hope and others ironically who have too much money and have become so greedy that there's nothing else in their lives and they are always unsatisfied...This is one of the things that worries me about being successful, about earning too much, about being too comfortable and maybe starting to think that the purpose of life is just about material things and about pleasure...Especially when staying in a country like Switzerland, which sometimes feels like a fairy land to me with all the beauty, cleanliness and everything working on time...I want to make sure that I do not forget that there is suffering and pain in life...and that the purpose of life is not about having the best material things or having the most fun (not that it is all bad, as long as it is in moderation), but what's much more important are the relationships that you make and how your life impacts others...

Well I went off on a tangent but thought I'll close this post by going back to the original topic and giving two definitions of Love.

One of the speakers summed it up beautifully as "To see or seek that which is true, beautiful and noble in the life of another"

And one of my favourite passages from the Bible, which is the one written by St Paul on Love,

"Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. Love does not demand its own way. Love is not irritable, and it keeps no record of when it has been wronged. It is never glad about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. "

Improv at the CERN!

Who would have thought that I would take part in a comedy improv workshop at the CERN (European Organization for Nuclear Research)!

On Saturday there was a comedy improv workshop at the CERN conducted by Charna Halpern who is the founder of Improv Olympic Theatres where Mike Myers has studied! I just heard about it from a friend and thought I'll check it out and see, since it was open to anyone.

Actually it was like killing 2 birds with one stone, cos ever since I had read Dan Brown's Angels and Demons, I've been fascinated by CERN, and wanted to visit it, and ofcourse I've been trying to get involved in theatre here as well…

Charna and her 2 assistants conducted a really great workshop. I learnt so much about improvisation. I hadn’t really done much improvisation before this, though I had done a few improv exercises at the theatre classes. One of the first things I realized was that improvisation can be more difficult than scripted plays as there is no predefined plan and you have to think on the spot and react to the other actors on stage. So it leaves you more vulnerable as it is your thoughts not some script that you are putting into action…Which can lead you to think Am I funny enough? Would they think I’m stupid?...

Today most people who meet me don’t believe that I might be worried about what others think or that I may feel inhibited, but the truth is that it has taken over 15 years to get out of that shyness and it still sometimes comes across in certain situations and I have to continually keep working at it to have confidence in myself. One of the reasons I really love theatre is cos this is what brought me out of my shell. More about that long story can be found here

That is another reason why I decided I should attend this workshop as it is the perfect setting to act and ‘let my self go’ even if I make a fool of my self all of us are here to learn, and not professionals. It was pretty cool cos most of the others there were physicist from CERN. And being with people from a different background was really fun cos we all bring a little bit of ourselves into improvisation.

I also realised that it really is a 'team sport' cos for improv to be successful there cannot be any shining stars! With each word or action the actor creates the scene maybe by giving another character a name, setting the location… and it is important that the other actors accept this initial offer and build on it. As they call it the ‘Yes And’ attitude.

Actually there’s a lot that you can take from this into life as well. Especially the ‘Yes And’ attitude where you try to build on what others have done, rather than breaking them down…

Things always seem to have a way of working out...

Last Sermon in Mass was about how the Holy Spirit is always with you to guide you and this is something that I strongly believe.

Though I was happy and trying to make the best of my earlier place of work, I knew this was not it, and was trying to find my calling. So one night I had a very long conversation with GOD (I don;t know if you believe this) about where my life was headed and what I should be doing with my life, and then the very next day I got the call from the Global Fund!!!! (this is definitely a sign!) and I think this is one of the reasons why I'm not very scared about going to Geneva and starting anew... I know that the higher power is looking over me and things are going to work out!

So this is Christmas…

What have you done? Another year’s over… a new one’s just begun…

This song was going on the radio and got me thinking… Last year was an amazing year for me, I learnt so many things and became so much more independent and I think I’ve grown up a lot last year too… but as a person what have I done for others?

Have I become indifferent to the sufferings of others, and become overwhelmed in my own world… Especially while in UK I rarely saw any poverty and even the beggars singing at the tube stations don’t seem to be as poor as the beggars that I see here everyday… But just because I cease to see them, that does not mean that they do not exist…

So what is the meaning of Christmas? Surely it’s not having lavish parties and shopping till you drop… Is it helping those in need and visiting friends and family, but shouldn’t that be done all through the year, and not just once a year? I guess it’s better to atleast think of others once a year rather than not at all…

Christmas is the birth of Jesus Christ in a manger; the people who came to welcome him to this world were poor shepherds and their sheep, so isn’t it ironic how people celebrate such a holy day by partying, and how the media has commercialised it so much that the way to show that you love your friends and family is by buying the most expensive gift!

Last weekend some of my friends and I visited and organised a party at Freedom House, in Kelaniya which is a home for the mentally disabled people who have received treatment and are better but have no place to go to as their families have disowned them due to the stigma of having a mentally ill person in their homes. It was very sad, as some of them talked about their own families and how they’re hoping that they would visit for Christmas. One person had found out that his parents had migrated to Australia without even telling him… We could see that they really appreciated the company… Made me think how lucky I am…

The Monk who sold his ferrari

I've also started to catch up on my reading (trying to do everything which I kept postponing saying that I'm too busy, before starting to get too busy again!)

I just completed reading The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari, which is the story of Julian Mantle, a hotshot lawyer whose out-of-balance lifestyle leads him to an almost fatal heart attack in a packed courtroom. His physical collapse brings on a spiritual crisis that forces him to confront the condition of his life and seek answers to life’s most important questions. Hoping to find happiness and fulfilment, he embarks upon an extraordinary odyssey to an ancient culture, where he discovers a powerful system to release the potential of his mind, body and soul, and learns to live with greater passion, purpose and peace. The book is written in the style of him sharing this extraordinary story with his law colleague.

I felt that the style of the book, made the message drag a bit, but it had some good insights. The seven mail principles for better living according to the book were:

Master your Mind
Follow your purpose
Continuous Improvement
Live with Discipline
Respect your time
Selflessly serve others
Embrace the present

One particular quote really stood out in my mind, and I really this it's so true...

“Sure I am this day we are masters of our fate, that the task which has been set before us is not above our strength; that its pangs and toils are not beyond our endurance. As long as we have faith in our own cause and an unconquerable will to win, victory will not be denied us.” - Churchill

Freedom...

I've just completed my MBA and handed in my dissertation end of August. So these days I'm relaxing and it's strange to have so much free time cos I haven't had a break in years. For as long as I can remember I've been extremely busy first with the ALs then Uni, started work even before handing in the final project only left work one week before the MBA. So I actually never had any time to stop and think; never even had a couple of weeks break between my different endeavours.

At first not being busy was difficult for me, but now I'm starting to enjoy the break before going back to the busy work life style. I'm actually just enjoying music, books and long walks; doing more sight seeing; literally stopping to smell the roses and finding my self.

Preparations for the MBA

Well I was pleasantly surprised to see the amount of preparation done by the Cambridge MBA admissions committee even before we start the course, and the opportunity to get to know my fellow MBAers on-line is great cos already I know who I’ll be studying with. (at least by name.) Ofcourse when I see their profiles I feel a bit intimidated, cos most of them have been working in major multi nationals for many years compared to my 2 years in a local Telco…

My future batch mates sound pretty cool. We’ve even discussed about meeting informally before the course officially starts on the 18th Sep 2006 and about Pub Nights and Salsa Nights! I’m really starting to look forward to meeting all these people from so many different countries and backgrounds. I guess the fact that I’ll be leaving behind everything I know for years hasn’t really sunk in yet… (or maybe I’m just over dramatizing things, after all with the advances of technology and software like Skype, I am not only able to talk to but also see my friends and family from across the world :0) )

Another group that has got kick-started is the JBS (Judge Business School) Careers team who are already getting us to read and think about the kind of career that we’d like to do after the MBA. I’m totally clueless here. One of the reasons that I wanted to do an MBA was because it would open up so many doors for me…

To give us insight into our likes and dislikes as well as strengths and weaknesses, the JBS Careers team had given us access to CareerLeader®, a comprehensive business career development tool (as they called it!). I found it’s assessment of me pretty thought provoking… The accuracy of career leader is ofcourse questionable, considering that there are questions which ask me to identify my own strengths and weaknesses. (Usually we all tend to see our selves as better than we actually are and don’t always see all the weaknesses in us)

According to CareerLeader I have core elements of business work
· Counseling and Mentoring
· Theory Development and Conceptual Thinking

You are strongly interested in Counseling and Mentoring, one of the elemental activities in business work. You enjoy developing relationships -- and people -- and view this activity as an integral part of business work. A strong interest in Counseling and Mentoring is often expressed through a desire to manage groups and lead teams. The emphasis is more on the "people management" side of things than on managing processes, projects, or strategy.

You also have a notable level of interest in Theory Development and Conceptual Thinking, one of the fundamental activities in business work. Whether as a business professional or aspiring businessperson, you enjoy solving business problems through conceptual approaches, exploring abstract ideas and the "what ifs" of a business or industry, and considering broad economic and social trends.

The jobs suggested were, Management Consultancy, HRM, and Non Profit Sector. Hmmm funnily enough it didn’t mention anything about engineering or technology. I Wonder whether that’s cos the tool doesn’t work properly or cos I’m not a techie at heart…

Anyway I have been interested in Management Consultancy for some time now and would love to get into that sector after the MBA. One thing with Sri Lanka is that usually we’re not exposed to careers paths such as these and everyone is expected to fit into ‘doctor’, ‘engineer’, ‘accountant’ or ‘lawyer’ roles and if you’ve chosen one you’re not supposed to change it. So if I venture into a non techie field it would be considered a waste of my education. I don’t see it that way cos I believe that even if I don’t use the techie knowledge directly the analytical skills that I learnt will not go wasted. I’m looking forward to trying out unconventional fields.

The song on its mighty pinions took every living soul, and lifted it gently to heaven

I just came across this quote by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow and had to post it, as I feel there’s something about songs that can really uplift the soul. (ok not every song, but I guess you know what type of songs I’m talking about )

Come to think of it, I have a song for each major milestone in my life...

One of the songs that’s really close to my heart is ‘Stay the Same' by Joey Mcintire

When I was a little kid I had a strong inferiority complex and always thought very little of my self. I used to be very shy, and rarely spoke, not because I didn’t have anything to say, but because I always worried that others might laugh at what I had to say, so I’d rather be silent. I used to wish I was different and popular. I was usually classified as a 'nerd' cos I always worked hard at school but kept to my self a lot. So I tried really hard to become 'cool' and pretend to be someone I'm not, just to be part of the 'in crowd'...

It was around the time that this song came out (1999) that I realized inorder to really be successful in life, or to really love anyone, you have to start by loving your self. It was a long hard process to get out of the mode of thinking I was already in, but today I can honestly say that I am happy with my self.

I initially started theatre as a way of getting rid of this shyness and it truly did help. I will always remember the advice to me, by the director of the musical I was part of which was to "Lose the Critic and the Judge". What he said was that it was the 'critic' and the 'judge' sitting on the shoulders of each person that keep telling you that others may laugh at you or think that you are weird if you do something different, which is what kills creativity.

People can usually see through the mask, when you pretend to be someone else. Anyway now I know that you don't need the kind of friends who can't accept the person you are. I believe that it's alright to be different as long as you are true to your self and don't hurt others.

So now when people say I'm different, I say I'm Unique. :0) People say this often cos I don't fall in to any of the typical stereotyped categories. I'm an engineer by profession, and rather studious and ambitious when it comes to my work. I also love working with people and find human psychology very intriguing. At the same time I'm someone who loves performance theatre, and singing and dancing as well as adventurous experiences. When I'm with the 'techys' I'm a total extrovert where as compared to my out going drama friends, I'm the total introvert.

Another thing that I have come to learn is that people who are happy with themselves don't try to put others down, I believe that the deep-seated feelings of inferiority is what makes people want to 'bring others down to their level'. Now that I don't care what other's think of me and not too bothered about the 'in crowd' the 'in crowd' comes to me. :0)

As someone whexperiencedienced the whole spectrum from total introvert to extrovert (though the old feelings do come now and then) I know that once you believe in yourself, you can achieve anything.

I know I totally went out of the topic of songs, but thought of ending this post with that song which changed my life.

Stay The Same - Joey Mcintyre

Don't you ever wish you were someone else,
You were meant to be the way you are exactly.
Don't you ever say you don't like the way you are.
When you learn to love yourself, you're better off by far.
And I hope you always stay the same,cuz there's nothin' 'bout you I would change.

I think that you could be whatever you wanted to be
If you could realize, all the dreams you have inside.
Don't be afraid if you've got something to say,
Just open up your heart and let it show you the way.
Believe in yourself.
Reach down inside.
The love you find will set you free.
Believe in yourself, you will come alive.
Have faith in what you do.
You'll make it through.